You think you are way cooler than you actually are. You probably are going to be a freshman at Keene State and think drinking Natty Ice is the key to getting you laid. Newsflash – it’s not. Natty Ice is the grossest beer that has ever been invented and should only be legal in third world countries like Brazil or some shit. Places where the water tastes like Natty Ice anyway so they toss a bit of alcohol into it so you can actually find fun.
You are a simple, laid back, relaxed man. Girls are often coming up to you at the party trying to get to know you, but you’d rather enjoy and sip your 16 oz tall boy talking to Henry about his freshman year econ classes at Harvard. At the end of the night after your 8 16 oz’s, your buzz has finally caught up to you and you settle for the 3 in the corner that’s been awkwardly weird faces at you all night.
You’re a mom lover. There isn’t any other way to it. You come to the family BBQ’s to hit on your friends moms in a futile attempt to go home with them. You show up with a 12 pack of Corona’s and 3 limes in a plastic bag, and settle on drinking only 4 of them and giving the other 8 away to moms as you try and dig apart their brains and get to know them better. Little do you know they’ve been banging your other best friend since he was 16.
You’re down for anything. You want to party? You party. You want to relax? You relax. relax. You know you are the man and quite frankly so does everyone else. You’re the subject of attention. One minute you’ll be talking to your boys and the next you’ll be half naked trying to get your boys to shotgun the fourth straight beer with you.
Relax, guy. No one thinks it’s sick when you show up to a party at 20 years olds with a 6 pack of Shock Tops and a Ralph Lauren Polo Collared Shirt. Three orange Shock Tops in and you’re talking about the high school football game where you guys could’ve won if the coach gave you the ball on the goaline. Ummmm, wake up buddy. You sucked then and you suck now.