I know that it’s summer and it’s time to flaunt. I get it, you’re skinny, you’re 19 and you think you’re a smoke. But it’s time to stop and #MakeInstagramGreatAgain. These are the post that we are gonna have to shut down.
1. The “Raft” Post
Sick. Your dad bought you an inflatable blowup swan, and you put it in the above ground pool that hasn’t been touched since your 12 year old birthday party when you invited over half your 6th grade class to try and seem popular. These posts suck. No one cares what your raft is. A half eaten donut? dumb. A swan?dumb. All of these suck.
2. The “Family Vacation” Post
Everyday for the past month and a half all you’ve tweeted about was how annoying your family is and how you “cannot wait” to get back to college and “get away from the house,” yet once you and the family go on vacation, you love them.
These pictures range anywhere from a mom and daughter in front of a wave crashing into a rock all the way to a posed fake smile picture with your 14 year old step brother who despises you and cannot wait until you head back to school.
3. The “Goodbye” Post
We get it. Your friend is gonna go to college. I don’t need to see an Instagram for all 6 of your friends going to colleges scattered across the New England area. You’ll see them in 3 weeks when you go and drink half a bag of Franzia Sunset Blush during Halloween while you both wear the same slutty cat costume. As if one wasn’t enough, in two weeks you’ll post a “TBT” of you two with your backs to the camera holding up two wine glasses and saying cheers to your shitty summer night with the caption “Miss you and summer nights 💕”
4. The “Beach Day” Post
You and your group of 5 friends went to the beach for a day and you all feel the need to toss up the same hack job of a picture of you guys huddled around a Yeti cooler holding a Kan Jam frisbee pretending you’re having the time of your life, when really this day is literally nothing like you expected it to be. You’re all miserable and baking in the sun, while your girlfriend has been playing Spike Ball with members of a Penn State frat for the past 45 minutes.
5. The Selfie
I’ll be the first to admit it. I love selfies. I’ll rip a selfie any second of the day. I’ll lose my man card to use that Snapchat filter of the puppy. Now THAT makes people look good. You know what doesn’t look good? Your 16th selfie in a row with the same G-Eazy lyrics you used on your 5th one. Stop posting them. We know what you look like. Use your snapchat story and even worse use your Instagram story.
–Wood and Prent collaboration